Child Loss…. Something that a lot of people never have to experience and most don’t know what to do or say to those that are parents of Angels. In 2017 I joined this “club”. The club of parents who will mourn the loss of their child every day for the rest of time. The club of parents who have to learn to live without the child – or children – that they wanted so badly. The club of parents who will live on and may never hear the words “Mom” or “Dad” again. The club that no parent who is actually knows what it’s like to lose a child will ever wish anyone to become apart of.

But what does losing a child really look like? It’s going to the hospital hoping to bring home your daughter for you to walk out without her. It’s taking your son in for a medical procedure and never bringing him home. It’s hoping for a miracle when you take a pregnancy test for it to be negative. It’s going to a routine ultrasound appointment to find no heartbeat. It’s learning to live with a hole in your heart and an ache in your chest. It’s learning to navigate waves of jealousy when a friend gets pregnant. It’s seeing a child in public and craving the feeling of having your child there with you. It’s hearing comments that cut you deep and having to act like they don’t bother you. It’s constantly explaining what happened or avoiding the conversation altogether. It’s screaming at God and asking “why me?!”. It’s showing strength and courage in ways you never thought possible.

It’s ugly. It’s raw. It’s sacrifice. It’s hurt. It’s perseverance. It’s strength. It’s grace. It’s faith. It’s hope. It’s love. It’s heartache. It’s grief. It’s real.

Eleven families and parents joined me on Sunday to remember our children. We laughed, we talked, we cried, but most importantly we let the memory of our children live on. I asked each them two important questions – “What phrase breaks/bothers you?” and “What keeps you going or gives you hope?” Here are our answers:

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank each and every single person who came out Sunday and had the courage to share their story with me. I hope that parents who are going through the darkest times will look to you as inspiration and can move forward every single day just as we have learned to do. They say that time heals everything, but it doesn’t. Time gives you the opportunity to learn new ways to navigate life with a piece of your heart missing. There is no sacrifice greater than learning to live without a child – or children – you’ve prayed so hard for.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

― Jamie Anderson